Outfit of the Day

Here it is! My first Outfit of the Day!!! It's awesome right? Um.....Sarah, that looks like you have on a t-shirt and some workout pants with an unfortunate seam in the front that looks sort of like a.....well, it's just unfortunate! Why did you post that?
Do you like how I just write those questions right out for you? It's to save you some trouble and hopefully, some of my dignity. ;)


Ok gals, this is  me in muh workout gear. I hit the gym for the first time since I hurt my knee in September! I had joined a gym and was working with a personal trainer when, trying to be an obedient student, I headed to a class as part of my fitness regimen. I BEGGED my sweet gal pal, Becky to go with me. It took some convincing, but I'd always had a good time in cardio dance classes, so I figured this would be just as fun! I'm so glad she agreed to go with me because, 4 minutes into the class as we were hopping side to side, my ACL snapped clean in half and my meniscus tore all the way to the center (the meniscus is a disc shaped cushion in the center of your knee). I was in worse pain than ever in my life. I hit the floor screaming! I think I blacked out. It was awful.

The months after that were so, so horrible. I spent months in pain 100% of the time.....100%. It was amazing to me that I got no break from it despite the bottle of pills the doctor prescribed.
I am a hairdresser (sort of - still gotta take those exit exams and snatch up my state board license!!). Being unable to stand was horrible for business, as in, I lost all mine. I couldn't take part in life. I couldn't do......a...n...y...t...h..i...n....g. I was so, so, so down.

I started physical therapy after my surgery. I was promised there that I was going to regain strength and functionality in my knee. I just wanted that in general, so I jumped right on board THAT train. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not enjoy physical activity unless it involves shopping bags, but gentle words and encouraging smiles and many, many, many moments laughing left me willing to go back appointment after appointment. After a number of months, I finished my stint in physical therapy. After a number of a few more months, I re-entered society. I lived in it through the holiday season and the weeks thereafter.

That bring us to today. I had polished off the 2 BAGS of Hershey kisses that I bought after Valentine's Day after having an entire week last week of trying to consume every possible sugary substance I could! Today I thought "What the what? Something is not on point with my insides if I keep 'needing' all this sugar! Time to clean things out. Also, I am physically not as strong as I should be."

During the months of physical therapy, I got another gal pal in one of my physical therapists! She had offered to let me come to her gym.......2 months ago, but you know Sarah put that off....until I just.....couldn't...put it off.....any....more. I sent her a text today telling her that today had to be the day.

Do you know that I was nervous?! I am so intimidated by the gym! I don't know what the machines do. I don't know how heavy things should be. I don't know how to work this machine that houses my soul, and I am one of the most mechanically physically awkward people I have ever seen. Sarah, what is mechanically physically awkward? Hahahah...It's clutzy. It's a wordy, nerdy way of saying clutzy. So the prospect of going to the gym is SCARY!!!!!! I did not play sports ever - except for 3 weeks of JV volleyball in 6th grade. I was slow and real small, so all I got from the experience was 2 very bruised arms. I froze during the only game I played in and cost my team the win. For this reason, I prefer artistic pursuits. Hahahaha.

Well, my fran spent this evening putting me through the ringer and burning up all kinda lactic acid in this body. I am already sore, but you know what? I'm stronger. I learned. I burned fat and built muscle. I cleaned up yucky things inside my body. I spent time giggling with my friend.

So my outfit is my gym clothes. Everything is from Target......from the clearance rack - hence the weird pants (they also hit right above the ankle and flare out at the hem - they look so terrible). I despise buying workout clothes, so they are boring and weird, but guess what I LOVE about this picture. I love that smile. You know why? It is....

SATISFACTION!!!!!!!!

Just go get you summah that, gals. NOTHING will make you feel ugly after you've got that in your handbag!

Grammy’s Fashion and Beauty Review

Oh Grammy’s, how we love you. Your outrageousness and creativity never disappoint – until this year, that is. Apparently this year, the authorities of the Grammy’s sent out a memo to all the invitees to keep things classy.  After J-Lo’s plunging Versace dress in 2000, things got a lil crazy in the exposure department, so they literally established a dress code for this year’s festivities. I find this quite interesting as it has been at least a decade since we heard about dress codes being imposed on celebrities for ANYthing. We sort of rely on them for pushing the envelope before they open it on the awards stages, but, nevertheless, this year there was a code to follow.
I did not catch the show live last night (I was watching an interview with Clint Romesha – the most recent recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor), but I knew today would supply me with PLENTY of info. I was excited to sit down this morning and dive into all the coverage  because I thought that the dress code would cause the group of creativity nerds (music artists) to tap into their crafty souls and bring it with some wacky or gorgeous conceptual attire. I went to several media outlets and started clicking through galleries and found a bunch of sloppy haired girls in boring cocktail dresses! WHAT?!?!?!
Here’s my humble review of what went wrong:

Adele….my love, sweet new momma, thank you for sporting your signature winged eye and rosy lip, but the only person who got away with wearing home furnishings as a dress was Scarlet O’Hara. This Valentino creation looks like the singer stood with outstretched arms in the middle of a JoAnn’s Fabric store and then spun around until her body was covered enough to meet the new dress code requirements. I tried to consider scale as far as this garment is concerned. Sometimes designers really do design for the super skinny, so I thought about what this would look like on a much thinner lady……nope. Still ugly. The frock combined with the pale rose nails and “safe” button earrings makes me think immediately of the retirement home my grandmother lived in during my childhood.
On to Kat Denning’s red carpet choice. What is your first thought? My first is that the “Two Broke Girls” star (who was also in House Bunny!) must have been too broke to do something about her super dry hair! Conditioning treatment anyone? The color combination of the dress color and the nail colors are not in the same palette tonally, so they are very distracting to me. The dress is Vivienne Westwood – a time tested design house, but this one is a misfire. I’ve seen more strongly constructed dresses at Dillard’s during prom season. This picture does not show the hemline, but it is asymmetrical. It looks to me like a castoff from the wardrobe of Clueless. I think the look might have been rescued had she gone a super edgy direction with her jewelry – something substantial or dark in color to contrast against the preciousness of this periwinkle shade……moving on…..

Ok, 2Chainz, you look like a creep at a costume party in junior high. I think I bought that belt at New York and Company 5 years ago, and that cape is does not make me think “Oh, yeah…..I can see it. Cool! I get the concept.”……No. It looks like you’re trying too hard.
The picture on the right is of Kim English and Frankie. I’m gonna be honest. I recognized 2Chainz before I recognized these two, but they were there and they had on clothes, so we’re gonna talk about this. Ms. English, you don’t need those gloves. Take them off and then head to Sally’s and purchase some new hair for the Grammy’s. It’s for special, so go ahead and splurge on it. Also, let’s wear some makeup. That dark dress could definitely carry a bold lip. The dress is really cutecicles. Frankie, your dress is super cute, albeit boring. Your collar is cute too, but it’s too close to the dress’s neckline, and it’s too similar in color  without matching exactly. Your gold nails were cute, but I can’t even notice them because of the collar necklace and your cheap looking purse strap over your shoulder.

Left: KatVonD!!!!! I could wear this dress to church!….also it looks like a couch! These things aren’t necessarily a problem. The contradiction of KatVonD and a super covering dress combined with the vintage fabric are both spot on style-wise, but it’s…..safe. It’s just so boring just by itself. Right: Denise Donatelli. Why is it that some Grammy’s attendees had atrociously dry hair?!?! This coiffure looks like she hit the gym immediately before dressing for the event. Also, this was another example of someone following the new modesty code who missed the memo that it was for the GRAMMY’SSSSSS. Keep it edgy! The fluffy hair, garish makeup and sad looking orange clutch didn’t do enough to travel with the heavy dress.
Let’s move on to some things that WERE great! Take a look at these:


And the suits have it. Men inspired women’s wear and menswear in general got my vote. Jeannie Mai looks perfect. She kept to her own style, followed the dress code but still looked edgy and on trend. Like her “tie” necklace? Could you see wearing that with a little black dress or t-shirt and jeans too? And J.T. looks nothing short of yummy. I like his cartoony tie and the pocket square with the contrasting edging.

Mumford & Sons looked absolutely honest and on point. I love it that they dressed just as they would for a live performance. They brought spice, but they don’t look costumey. This look could easily translate to every day life too! Great job, guys!



Miranda Lambert looked stunning in her black Roberto Cavalli number. Bronzed skin and softly (but neatly) waved hair were finished perfectly with some chandelier earrings and a cuff on her wrist. Kaley Cuoco has me itching to get some puffy paint and embroidery floss and be-fancy a discount blazer to copy this look. I LOVES it!!! The razzle dazzle flats with a discount evening dress behind Cuoco left something to be desired, but we’ll celebrate Kaley’s fierce fashion in spite of it. Taylor Swift looks like a gentle Greek goddess in the J. Mendel gown she wore for the awards show. Take some ideas from the combination of the soft white fabric with the silver glitter. Think about combining glittery metallics with a solid color as we close out winter and enter into springtime. See the same concept in Cuoco’s look too? Hmmmm TREND ALERT!!!!!
Feel a little lost? DON’T! Let’s examine what ended up as more “successful” with these celeb looks and why the things that didn’t work didn’t work. Item number one is that the “do’s” were all event appropriate. They were still edge and informal but dressed up at the same time. There was that little something extra on top of really fun outfits. Item number two is that each person stayed true to themselves. They didn’t TRY to catch anyone’s eye. They just did.
The looks that didn’t work for me were either dated or too severe or over-styled. Coco Chanel always said “Before you leave, take one thing off” – this coming from the woman who made Mr. T look under accessorized with her multiple strands of pearls during a period of super linear super minimalistic fashion. The point being, you’re going to get a lot of ideas while you dress as long as you give yourself license to be creative, but, just to be sure, find one thing in your outfit that you could either take off or simplify. Also, a rule I’ve always liked to follow is, always make sure there is SOME example of contradiction in your outfit – put a leather jacket with a soft, flowy skirt, a large pattern in pants against a tiny pattern in a shirt, super fancy shoes with basic jeans, blah, blah, blah. It works.
Anyway, that’s it for today. It was fun to dissect all of these stylings of fashion. My opinions aren’t necessarily right, remember? Style is limitless! These are my thoughts. What are yours?

5 Fashion Do's

*YAWN.....Ok gals, I've had a nice nap from my blog, but now I've got some fashion caffeine that's got me hoppin', and I want to share the energy with you!
      Here's what I've got today. I was just reading the four-hundred-millionth article on how to dress different body types. It was very nice. It was very polite and hopeful, but it was also a little confusing and I didn't agree with all of it. I thought "I bet my gals wouldn't mind if I offered just a few, like 5, pointers on how to navigate through fashion". So here goes!
       Now plop down on your sofa and stick the spoon right into the Nutella jar and let's get down to business.

Rule #1:  Buy things that actually fit you. Well how can I KNOW that they fit, Sarah? The cuts of things nowadays are so weird to me. My 90's Kelly Kapowski stone-washed jeans felt NOTHING like those Seven for All Missing Me whatchamacall'ems! Well, darling, This is what I mean. Your Kelly Kapowski's, the Seven for All Mankind or the Miss Me's (you're welcome for detangling those) are cut differently, but they are all cut intentionally.
PANTS and SKIRTS
       As far as pants or skirts go, follow this rule first and foremost: NO puckering or cupping. Even a snuggly cut party dress will lie flat against the curve of your bum. Stretching across the front also gives the appearance that you have a paunch when you may not - or at least not one that big. Pants should not reveal your cheeks in the back either at the top or the bottom. NO ONE looks good in pants that look like they're.....well......something your cheeks are snacking on. I don't know how else to say it. It's gross. The same rule applies to the front view. Check it. Do the world and just check before you leave the house. And....crack kills; crack is whack. We don't want to see yours.
      The second rule for pants and skirts is: sagging pants are for diapered babies - not grown ladies. Even the blousy Kelly Kapowski's fell in a graceful way. If the back seam of your pants extends more than 1 inch past your crotch, you should either congratulate yourself for losing the weight you've been trying to lose or slap yourself for buying pants that look like you're a 9 year old trying desperately to fit into your big sister's clothes. If you are short and get bunchy legs syndrome a lot, you can try paying more for more precisely sized clothes (petite shops and such) or pay to get a tailor. If you visit one regularly and establish a relationship, you may be able to do trades on things or get special deals for being such a good customer. Yes, people still do things like that all the time, and no, wearing capri pants as regular length pants doesn't fool ANYONE!
SHIRTS and JACKETS
         Ok, this is where things can get tricky. The basic same rules apply. If it's supposed to cover your belly or boobies and it doesn't, it's too small. Give it away. If there are buttons, they should not look like they're about to pop open. I know that makes is so hard for busty babes like me to find button-downs, doesn't it? Here's a trick that might work in a pinch: buy in the little boys' department (for solid white or blue or black - no crazy mascu-what what designs) or in the mens' department. Women's shirts are cut like an inverted triangle. Men's shirts are cut like a rectangle with even a tiny bit more of give in the torso area. This can fit nicely through the shoulders and bust and look just fine with a quick tuck in. If you are super ambitious, measure the sides while you still have the shirt on and pin how far in the sides need to come. It is a lot easier to bring in the sides of a shirt than it is to bring in the shoulders which brings me to my next point. If the shoulders of the shirt extend more than 1/2 an inch past your shoulders, that shirt is too big. I'm sorry. It's just not going to work. Well, what about "boyfriend" styles and whatnot? Gal, they are just that "styles". If you hold up an actual men's sweater to a boyfriend style, you will be able to see slight differences. This is more important in woven materials than it is knits anyway.

Rule #2: Buy things that are current or progressive. Sarah, I know I have worn the same style of jeans/shorts/shoes, etc. since high school, but they're classic. Besides, I JUST bought these/this. They sell it at fill-in-the-blank-store-name!.........no....you keep using that word, but I don't think you understand the meaning of that word. Here it is according to Wikipedia:
Classic:

Adjective Judged over a period of time to be of the highest quality and outstanding of its kind.

Noun A work of art of recognized and established value.

Clothes are never classic. The mere nature of fashion itself is that it is constantly dynamic. Think about the color green. The popularity of different shades or tones has not transcended time. You KNOW you have seen a shade of green that made you think of something not so lovely. This also applies to shapes of every article of clothing or accessory......all of them. Classic is a style; not fashion. (Read my other blog post to learn the difference) Do NOT keep wearing the same style of anything after everyone else around you has stopped. Just don't. No one is asking you to look like an extra from Zoolander, but, if you are reading this post, that means you have some shred of desire to be fashionably current. So swallow your pride and throw away those weird old sandals. They are weird, and you know it.

Rule# 3: Do not buy the same article of anything in more than one color. Ok, you can get away with 2 of the same thing, but do not wear them back to back, and do not exceed 2. Life does not require a uniform, unless it does, in which case, one will probably be issued to you. But Sarah! I work at a salon/store/daycare/my house! I have to wear so MUCH black/khaki/jersey! NO! No you don't! You are not Mr. Rogers! You can buy lots of the same color, but not 5 of the same sweater or t-shirt. No. You get one life of fashion. Put that 3rd shirt right back on the rounder before you dig your fashion grave!
 
Rule #4: If it's non-sale price is super cheap, it probably looks like that's how much it's worth. But Sarah! I'm broke! I do not have the cash to wander the mall! Two words - clear-ance. Two more words: thrift store. I have clothed myself into a more than full closet by hunting the 70% off racks at Target and the 85% off racks at Kohls. I may dress a little crazy sometimes, but ain't nobody tellin me my clothes ugly! Listen, a $4.00 shirt from Wal-Mart or a $45 shirt that's only going to COST $4.00 are two different creatures, and you know that's true. Plus, a better made items will last much longer and need to be replaced less often, so - cheaper in the long run. WHAT!! I just schooled ya. Consider yourself schooled. Getcho self a passing grade now, gurr! Now, this does not mean that ALL super discount things cannot be used, but using them sparingly is fashion smarter.

Rule #5: Love it. Your body, I mean. Dress yourself. Don't try to be something you're not. If you are tall, your clothes will not make you appear shorter. If you are short, wearing pants that are too long will not make people think "Oh wow! That tall person was so lucky to find pants that were too long!". If you are skinny, wearing clothes that are too big will not make people think that you are fleshier, and if you are thick, wearing clothes with a certain number on the size tag will not make you that size. Be you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made!!! You are pretty great, and remember, EVERY woman has beauty!

Now get out there and do some closet purgin!